


The McDuck Family Group Chat

by A_Small_Collection_Of_Nonsense



Category: DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)
Genre: Drake and Launchpad’s relationship is just kinda in the background, Family, Gen, hjhjgnfnf this fic is a mess, its not really a thing but I thought i’d tag it anyways, text fics, there are no straight people in this family, they are all the big gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-03-09 14:17:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18918718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Small_Collection_Of_Nonsense/pseuds/A_Small_Collection_Of_Nonsense
Summary: Scrooge_McDuck: I do not wish to be a part of your youth-full hikingWebbi-Dings: hiking?Team_Randy: he says he meant hijinksLenaDeDone: autocorrect strikes againDuckDad: nice one uncle $





	1. And so it begins

**Author's Note:**

> I got sick and so I made this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donald is the father

**_Webby-Dings has created a group chat_ **

**_Webby-Dings has added LenaDeDone,_** ** _HowDoesHeDeweyIt, Team_Randy,_** **_JWG4President, Violet, Duck_Dad, Moon_Moon, urnewbff, Scrooge_McDuck, and 022_**

**_Webbi-Dings has named the group “Family Group chat :)”_ **

 

 

Webbi-Dings: hi!!!

 

urnewbff: hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :))))

 

Team_Randy: Webs what have have u created

 

LenaDeDone: lmao this should be good

 

Scrooge_McDuck: What in dismal downs is this?

 

Team_Randy: ok but u guys have no idea how painful it was to watch him type that

 

Team_Randy: he legit stood there for like five minutes typing it out with one finger

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: and I thought he was cool

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: shame on u Uncle

 

Scrooge_McDuck: I asked a question

 

Webbi-Dings: I made a family group chat :)

 

LenaDeDone: y tho

 

Webbi-Dings: idk just thought it would be nice

 

LenaDeDone: wait do u have admin rights

 

Webbi-Dings: ye

 

LenaDeDone: gimmie

 

**_Webbi-Dings has given LenaDeDone admin rights_ **

**_LenaDeDone has restricted admin rights_ **

 

Webbi-Dings: gasp

 

Webbi-Dings: betrayal

 

LenaDeDone: hehe

 

LenaDeDone: nothin personal kid

 

LenaDeDone: who tf is team_randy btw

 

Webby-Dings: Louie

 

LenaDeDone: y tho

 

Team_Randy: Ottoman Empire spilt up and I’m showing my support

 

Team_Randy: guys Uncle Scrooge is typing again

 

Team_Randy: it hurts

 

LenaDeDone: where’s the rest of the squad at

 

LenaDeDone: shouldn’t Dewey be being obnoxious @ everyone

 

JWG4PRESIDENT: he’s making sure LP doesn’t crash

 

LenaDeDone: wow it almost sounds like he’s being responsible

 

JWG4PRESIDENT: he’s doing a terrible job

 

LenaDeDone: nvm

 

LenaDeDone: why isn’t LP talking to us tho :(

 

LenaDeDone: he was here when Web made the

chat

 

JWG4PRESIDENT: Oh i don’t know

 

JWG4PRESIDENT: maybe it’s because he’s flyING THE GOSH DARN PLANE

 

LenaDeDone: never stopped him before

 

Scrooge_McDuck: I do not wish to be a part of your youth-full hiking

 

Webbi-Dings: hiking?

 

Team_Randy: he says he meant hijinks

 

LenaDeDone: autocorrect strikes again

 

DuckDad: nice one uncle $

 

Webbi-Dings: Uncle Donald!!!

 

Webbi-Dings: Hi!!!!!!

 

DuckDad: hi Webby

 

LenaDeDone: lol y is ur name DuckDad

 

LenaDeDone: r u my dad

 

DuckDad: one of the boys changed it a couple yrs back and I jus kept it

 

DuckDad: where are you guys right now?

 

JWG4President: I think we’re about an hour away

 

LenaDeDone: get back soon

 

LenaDeDone: I’m chillin in Webs room

 

Team_Randy: why Webs room?

 

LenaDeDone: Tea time made me get off the kitchen table so she could wash it

 

DuckDad: you make it sound like you were on the table itself

 

LenaDeDone: I was bored AF

 

DuckDad: language

 

JWG4PRESIDENT: language

 

LenaDeDone: omg Huey u suck up

 

LenaDeDone: hold up since when did good ol Duck papa kno how talk like a cool kidTM

 

DuckDad: I have 3 kids

 

LenaDeDone: fair

 

Scrooge_McDuck: get me out of this

 

DuckDad: no

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: no

 

Team_Randy: fuck no

 

Team_Randy: crap I forgot adults were a thing

 

DuckDad: right lets lay out some ground rules

 

LenaDeDone: booooooo

 

Webbi-Dings: ok

 

DuckDad: 1) no bad language

 

JWG4PRESIDENT: Lena

 

Webbi-Dings: Louie

 

Team_Randy: I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked rn

 

LenaDeDone: mood

 

DuckDad: 2) you’re here to stay

 

Team_Randy: Uncle Scrooge

 

Team_Randy: aw heck he’s typing again

 

LenaDeDone: this place was lit till the fun police made rules

 

Webbi-Dings: hey look, lit spelt backwards it till!

 

Webbi-Dings: *is

 

Team_Randy: that’s pretty lit

 

DuckDad: 3) What happens on the groupchat stays in the groupchat

 

LenaDeDone: excuse me

 

DuckDad: trust me

 

DuckDad: we had a family groupchat a couple years back

 

DuckDad: it was awful

 

DuckDad: these rules are for your own good

 

Moon_Moon: ahahaa don’t remind me of that mess XD

 

DuckDad: it really wasn’t funny

 

Moon_Moon: it was tho

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: Launchpad says hi

 

LenaDeDone: wait why is LP flying if Dellas there

 

Moon_Moon: we have a system

 

JWG4PRESIDENT: they had an arm wrestle to decide

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: it was intense

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: LP cried

 

DuckDad: but he won tho

 

Moon_Moon: no I won

 

LenaDeDone: but LPs flying the plane

 

Moon_Moon: I felt bad

 

_**022 has left “Family Group chat :)”** _

 

LenaDeDone: who tf is O22

 

Webbi-Dings: Granny

 

LenaDeDone: lmao y is that her name

 

DuckDad: language

 

Webbi-Dings: her account is for her work

 

urnewbff: noooooo not Mrs B :((

 

urnewbff: add her back please and thank you :))

 

Webbi-Dings: Lena has to do it

 

Webbi-Dings: she’s the only one w/ admin rights

 

Team_Randy: just to clarify

 

Team_Randy: does rule 3 mean u can’t get us in trouble for stuff in the chat

 

DuckDad: depends

 

Moon_Moon: ye

 

Moon_Moon: the groupchat is a free battle zone

 

DuckDad: Dell no

 

Moon_Moon: Dell yes

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: I’m with mom

 

DuckDad: no

 

Moon_Moon: I will do the face

 

DuckDad: no

 

Moon_Mom: I’m face timing u I rn

 

DuckDad: no

 

DuckDad: fine

 

Moon_Moon: :)))

 

Team_Randy: What did u do

 

Moon_Moon: the faceTM

 

Team_Randy: wait so like

 

Team_Randy: u can’t ground me for groupchat stuff

 

DuckDad: I can give u extra chores for unrelated reasons

 

Team_Randy: wow

 

JWG4PRESIDENT: so it’s fair ground

 

JWG4PRESIDENT: within reason

 

DuckDad: yes

 

DuckDad: only because ur mom is a brat with a need to get her own way

 

Moon_Moon: wOw

 

LenaDeDone: I’ve looked everywhere and I can’t find ur granny’s account??

 

Webbi-Dings: Oh yea

 

Webbi-Dings: it’s for work too so it doesn’t appear when u search for it

 

Webbi-Dings: ill text u the number

 

LenaDeDone: kk

 

Webbi-Dings: but u have to delete the text once u saved it to ur contacts

 

LenaDeDone: why

 

Webbi-Dings: classified

 

LenaDeDone: damn

 

Violet: Why have I been added to this?

 

DuckDad: you’re family now, there’s no escape

 

Violet: I doubt my parents would be very happywith me adopting a new family.

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: don’t ur parents like never talk to u

 

DuckDad: WHAT

 

Violet: They’re very busy, they’re scientists

 

Moon_Moon: u have been adopted by the Father of the Ducks

 

Moon_Moon: I can feel it

 

DuckDad: she is correct

 

Team_Randy: u gotta call him Dad now or we sue u

 

Violet: I genuinely cannot tell whether you’re kidding or not.

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: were not

 

Violet: *we’re

 

Webbi-Dings: Vi I love u but stop typing with prefect grammar it’s scary

 

Violet: Grammar is incredibly important

 

**_LenaDeDone has added 022 to the group_ **

**_LenaDeDone has restricted the ability to leave_ **

 

LenaDeDone: take that Fish n Chips

 

022: Webbigail VanderQuack you know perfectly well that my account is strictly for work purposes.

 

Team_Randy: I could hear that text

 

Webbi-Dings: please stay??

 

LenaDeDone: she legit can’t leave

 

LenaDeDone: I restricted leaving

 

LenaDeDone: u can’t leave unless I kick u

 

022: Why on earth is Lena the one with admin rights?

 

Webbi-Dings: I was betrayed

 

022: Excuse me?

 

JWG4PRESIDENT: Lena asked for admin rights and the restricted Webbys

 

LenaDeDone: #worthit

 

Scrooge_McDuck: if I’m stuck here so are you 22

 

022: Do not expect me to participate in any conversation.

 

urnewbff: hi Mrs B!!!! :))

 

urnewbff: talk to us!!! :)))

 

022: Hello Launchpad

 

022: Must you insist on having a smiley face in every text?

 

urnewbff: yes :))))

 

DuckDad: LAUNCHPAD I THOUGHT U WERE FKHING THE PLANE

 

DuckDad: *FLYING

 

urnewbff: it’s fine Dewey’s got it covered :))))

 

DuckDad: WHAT

 

Moon_Moon: Chill he’s fine

 

DuckDad: NO HES NOT

 

LenaDeDone: This chat is so valid


	2. The Shakespeares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She has admin rights ya’ll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for commenting and giving kudos!!! It really means a lot!  
> I’ll probably be working on this quite a bit since I’m still pretty sick, but I’ll probably be sticking to one chapter being uploaded per day at the most (Though that doesn’t mean I’ll update every day).

LenaDeDone: yall

 

LenaDeDone: I have admin rights

 

JWG4PRESIDENT: you've only just realised?

 

LenaDeDone: I can do this

 

 

**_LenaDeDone has renamed JWG4PRESIDENT to BigNerd_ **

 

 

BigNerd: Why

 

LenaDeDone: ohohoho

 

LenaDeDone: everyone else get over here

 

LenaDeDone: imma have fun

 

BigNerd: nO

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: plz no change me

 

BigNerd: Nothing in that sentence was even close to grammatically correct

 

LenaDeDone: and why should I not change you

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: because my name is lit

 

LenaDeDone: hmmmmmm

 

LenaDeDone: ur safe

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: yay

 

LenaDeDone: for now

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: nay

 

Webbi-Dings: Can I keep mine

 

Webbi-Dings: it's cute :)

 

LenaDeDone: hmmmmmmmmmm

 

 

**_LenaDeDone has renamed Webbi-Dings to CinnamonRoll_ **

 

 

LenaDeDone: nerp

 

CinnamonRoll: i thought I could trust you

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: lmao

 

DuckDad: language

 

LenaDeDone: do u have like

 

LenaDeDone: a sweardar

 

DuckDad: excuse me

 

LenaDeDone: like a gaydar but for swears

 

LenaDeDone: or is it an alarm bell or smthn

 

LenaDeDone: cause every time anyone swears u just get summoned

 

DuckDad: call it a superpower

 

Moon_Moon: it's weird tho cause he swears like a sailor

 

BigNerd: gee I wonder why

 

DuckDad: I DO NOT

 

Team_Randy: oh rlly

 

Team_Randy: I beg to differ dear uncle

 

 

**_LenaDeDone has renamed Team_Randy to Green_Bean_ **

 

 

Green_Bean: why would u do this

 

LenaDeDone: Gladstone said it and I thought it was pretty fabulous

 

Green_Bean: how am I supposed to show my support for our lord and saviour Randy

 

LenaDeDone: idea

 

Green_Bean: fear

 

 

**_LenaDeDone has renamed LenaDeDone to ActuallyGod_ **

 

 

ActuallyGod: bow down to me peasants

 

BigNerd: I am begging you to change my name

ActuallyGod: hmmmmm

 

 

**_ActuallyGod has renamed BigNerd to SmolNerd_ **

 

 

SmolNerd: I honestly don't know what I was expecting

 

DuckDad: you kids are something else

 

Moon_Moon: don't change Dons name

 

Moon_Moon: he is the father

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: we are all his chirren

 

 

**_ActuallyGod has renamed Moon_Moon to Moon_Mom_ **

 

 

Moon_Mom: I feel blessed

 

ActuallyGod: you should

 

Duck_Dad: I feel threatened

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: worry not uncle of mine

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: you are forever the father

 

 

**_ActuallyGod has renamed Violet to PurpleNerd_ **

 

 

PurpleNerd: I prefer the term "Intellectual".

 

 

**_ActuallyGod has renamed PurpleNerd to PurpleIntellectual_ **

 

 

PurpleIntellectual: Thank you.

 

CinnamonRoll: why does Vi get what she wants

 

ActuallyGod: cuz I liked it

 

ActuallyGod: hmmmm

 

 

**_ActuallyGod has renamed Scrooge_McDuck to MoneyBags_ **

 

 

Green_Bean: wow that's creative

 

ActuallyGod: stfu

 

DuckDad: language

 

022: Your Uncle would like me to tell you that he has had far worse insults than that.

 

 

**_ActuallyGod has renamed MoneyBags to OldMan_ **

 

 

022: He has never looked so offended.

 

ActuallyGod: rlly?

 

022: No, but he did gasp.

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: hold up

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: I thought Mrs B vowed not to talk to us

 

ActuallyGod: we r irresistible

 

022: I got sick of watching your uncle try and type.

 

Green_Bean: someone understands my pain

 

 

**_ActuallyGod has renamed 022 to PipPipCheerio_ **

 

 

PipPipCheerio: Lena.

 

 

**_ActuallyGod has renamed  PipPipCheerio to TeaTime_ **

 

 

TeaTime: Lena De Spell.

 

 

**_ActuallyGod has renamed TeaTime to Big_B_ **

 

 

Big_B: You're making it far worse.

 

ActuallyGod: I'm having fun and being myself and that's what counts

 

 

**_ActuallyGod has renamed Big_B to Tina_ **

 

 

Tina: Why?

 

ActuallyGod: its simple but effective

 

Green_Bean: like my foot up urabschdk7zo);:*]jdow

 

ActuallyGod: excuse me

 

SmolNerd: Mrs B walked in and saw what he was typing

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: Mrs B  s n a t c h e d  the phone 

 

CinnamonRoll: Granny's lecturing him

 

CinnamonRoll: it isn't pretty

 

DuckDad: language, Louie

ActuallyGod: he legit didn't say anything

 

DuckDad: he tried to and that's what counts

 

Green_Bean: Oh father of the ducks

 

DuckDad: the answer is probably no

 

Green_Bean: I would like to report a crime

 

DuckDad: what happened????

 

DuckDad: are you ok???

 

Green_Bean: Mrs B is not following groupchat rule No.3

 

Green_Bean: What happens in the groupchat stays in the groupchat

 

DuckDad: Louie I was worried

 

Green_Bean: you should be!

 

Green_Bean: a heynious crime has been committed!

 

PurpleIntellectual: *heinous

 

Green_Bean: whatever

 

Tina: And just why should I agree to this rule?

 

Moon_Mom: plot convenience

 

Tina: What?

 

Moon_Mom: What

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: yo

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: Vi, Huey and Mrs B should make a perfect grammar squad

 

ActuallyGod: well call them teh shakespears

 

PurpleIntellectual: *we'll

 

SmolNerd: *Shakespeares

 

Tina: *the

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: see?

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: a squad made in heaven

 

CinnamonRoll: cool but I'm pretty sure Hueys at a lower level to Violet and Granny

 

CinnamonRoll: he doesn't use full stops

 

CinnamonRoll: and he gets memes

 

ActuallyGod: yea Vi spent like an hour trying to figure out the science behind memes

 

PurpleIntellectual: They make no sense.

 

PurpleIntellectual: You showed me one of Lord Quackwad with the letter "E" and a variety of edits on it.

 

PurpleIntellectual: You seemed to find it hilarious.

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: wow u weren't kidding

 

SmolNerd: *you

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: omg he's saltyyyyyy

 

SmolNerd: I am not.

 

SmolNerd: *salty

 

Green_Bean: it's ok Hue

 

Green_Bean: u can be their trainee

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: yes

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: you can train with them

 

PurpleIntellectual: I refuse to be in a group called the "Shakespeares".

 

ActuallyGod: u don't get a choice

 

 

 

 

 

**_ActuallyGod has created a new groupchat_ **

**_ActuallyGod has added PurpleIntellectual, Tina, and SmolNerd_ **

**_ActuallyGod has named the groupchat "The Shakespeares"_ **

 

SmolNerd: Jesus Christ

 

PurpleIntellectual: Why?

 

 

**_AcutallyGod has left “The Shakespeares”_ **

 

 

SmolNerd: wow

 

 

**_Tina has left ** _“The Shakespeares”_**_ **

 

 

SmolNerd: how did I not see that one coming

 

PurpleIntellectual: Because you are not a fully trained intellectual.

 

 

**_PurpleIntellectual has left ** _“The Shakespeares”_**_ **

 

 

SmolNerd: I have been abandoned

 

SmolNerd: :(

 

 

**_SmolNerd has left ** _“The Shakespeares”_**_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

** “Family Group chat :)” **

 

SmolNerd: The Shakespeares have been burnt to ashes

 

SmolNerd: I was the sole survivor

 

SmolNerd: Violet and Mrs B didn’t make it out in time

 

PurpleIntellectual: I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell everyone I was dead.

 

SmolNerd: Sometimes I can still hear the voices

 

ActuallyGod: guys the chat was made like ten second ago

 

ActuallyGod: how is it dead already

 

SmolNerd: Well

 

SmolNerd: I wanted to stay, so I could have intelligent conversation

 

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: I feel so attacked

 

SmolNerd: But then Mrs B left

 

Green_Bean: typical

 

SmolNerd: Then Violet insulted me, and proceeded to leave

 

CinnamonRoll: #Outwithabang

 

SmolNerd: And then I had no choice but to leave :(

 

ActuallyGod: y didn’t u just add them back u spoon

 

SmolNerd: you and I both know they would have just left again

 

ActuallyGod: you could have restricted admin rights and then made it so they couldn’t leave

 

ActuallyGod: U spaz

 

DuckDad: Langauge!!

 

ActuallyGod: forgive me for my sins father

 

PurpleIntellectual: Why is restricting people being able to leave even a thing?

 

Moon_Mom: Plot convenience

 

PurpleIntellectual: What?

 

Moon_Mom: What

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! If you have any suggestions for names, please leave them in the comments, I’m already running out ideas
> 
> Huey - SmolNerd  
> Dewey - HowDoesHeDeweyIt  
> Louie - Green_Bean  
> Webby - CinnamonRoll  
> Lena - ActuallyGod  
> Donald - DuckDad  
> Della - Moon_Mom  
> Scrooge - OldMan  
> Beakley - Tina  
> Launchpad - urnewbff


	3. Well Frick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a hammer on the loose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyo
> 
> This ones a lil shorter than the others (I think) and I wrote it at like 3am, so I’m not to sure what’s going on here

OldMan: does anyone know where Donalds hammer is

CinnamonRoll: no

SmolNerd: why??

Green_Bean: for a price

DuckDad: its important

ActuallyGod: why tho

Moon_Mom: I may or may not have gotten it cursed

Moon_Mom: accidentally

Tina: Would it happen to have a a beige handle that’s stuck on with tape, and have drops of what I certainly hope is not blood on it?

DuckDad: YES THAT’S IT

DuckDad: WHERE IS IT??

urnewbff: it just flew thru the window :)))

DuckDad: WHAT

urnewbff: dont worry D! we got it! :D

Tina: no we do not

ActuallyGod: oh no

ActuallyGod: she’s not using perfect grammar

ActuallyGod: something’s wrong

urnewbff: she’s fighting the hammer

OldMan: stalk it, we’ll be home in about 10 mins

Tina: I’m going to assume you meant stall.

Tina: I’m stalling a hammer.

Tina: What has my life come to?

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: Greatness

CinnamonRoll: how are you texting and fighting??

urnewbff: were hiding in a bush :(

SmolNerd: *we’re

OldMan: why?

Tina: It appears to have grown a body.

Tina: An abnormally sized body.

urnewbff: it has rlly big fists :0

urnewbff: Duckworth’s here!! :D

DuckDad: what’s he doing?

Tina: Being incredibly annoying.

OldMan: that’s not what he meant and you know it

Tina: I’m not kidding.

Tina: He laughed at us and left.

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: wow

Moon_Mom: we should be home in half an hour tops!

DuckDad: STOP TEXTING AND FLYING

CinnamonRoll: I’m still confused

CinnamonRoll: what’s happening????

OldMan: Della brought Donald’s tool box in case of repairs, and now the hammers been possessed

ActuallyGod: Uncle Scrooge I’m so proud of u

ActuallyGod: ur texting is getting so much faster :)

OldMan: not the time

urnewbff: guys!!!

urnewbff: Mrs b and I got sepereted :,((((

DuckDad: how???

Tina: the hammer crashed in between us

Tina: LP where are you?

Green_Bean: ok so it was weird when u typed with 10/10 spelling n stuff but ngl seeing u text without proper grammar is scary

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: u know it’s bad when Mrs B isn’t typing like Shakespeare

urnewbff: Im in the garage :))))

DuckDad: why don’t you two just call???

Moon_Mom: plot convenience

DuckDad: what

Moon_Mom: whaaaaat

urnewbff: Mrs b!!!!!

urnewbff: how could you say that??? D:

ActuallyGod: yo what’s going down

Green_Bean: what’s this tea

urnewbff: I heard Mrs B say a bad word!! D:

  
HowDoesHeDeweyIt: omg

ActuallyGod: calm down tea time

CinnamonRoll: Granny!

DuckDad: Beakley plz don’t swear in front of he kids

Moon_Mom: the kids aren’t there tho

DuckDad: sorry, the man child

Tina: …

Tina: I said frick.

ActuallyGod: disgusting

Green_Bean: awfull

SmolNerd: I’m ashamed

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: I thought I could trust u

CinnamonRoll: how is that better

Tina: Not only did that hammer mutant find me, but frick is not a swear.

CinnamonRoll: It’s not???

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: OMG SHE SAID IT AGAIN

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: COVER UR EARS

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: FIND THE HOLY WATER

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: CALL THE POPE

ActuallyGod: disgraceful behaviour on my Christian minecraft server

Moon_Mom: This groupchat is everything to me

Moon_Mom: we’ll be there in like 5 mins

  
Moon_Mom: maybe less

Moon_Mom: depends

OldMan: where are you two?

Urnewbff: I’m heading up to the kitchen :D

Tina: Good, I’m underneath the kitchen table.

SmolNerd: excuse me

ActuallyGod: for a spy u have pretty dumb hiding places

Tina: It appears to navigate using smell, not sight.

Tina: The kitchen is full of conflicting smells, the food, utensils etc.

Tina: It’s currently opening drawers to see if I’m inside.

CinnamonRoll: How would you even get into a drawer?

OldMan: it’s happened before

Green_Bean: excuse me

Tina: That was a pocket dimension, not a drawer.

DuckDad: it sure looked like a drawer

Tina: It was not a drawer!

Moon_Mom: pretty sure it was

PurpleIntellectual: I have been silently observing the situation this entire time, and I can conclude that it would be beneficial for you to leave this group chat should the police find reason to search your phone.

ActuallyGod: pretty sure this chat would be the reason they searched the phone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I didn’t end up changing any of the names, but I’m gonna use your suggestions when I do!
> 
> Not gonna bother putting a list of names in this one, like I said they haven’t changed


	4. Gay time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s time for more gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who commented names! I’ve used some of them and I plan use some more in future chapters! :))

ActuallyGod: yo

Green_Bean: yo

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: yo

CinnamonRoll: Hi!!

ActuallyGod: dammit webby

Green_Bean: u had one job

CinnamonRoll: What did I do

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: you broke the chain

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: :(

CinnamonRoll: oops

Green_Bean: hey Lena

ActuallyGod: whaaat

Green_Bean: change my name

Green_Bean: or else

AcutallyGod: hmmm

Green_Bean: I will literally pay u

ActuallyGod: u better

CinnamonRoll: can u change mine to??

CinnamonRoll: I want something new!!!

**_ActuallyGod has renamed Green_Bean to GreenerPastures_ **

GreenerPastures: I want a refund

CinnamonRoll: do me!!!!

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: she means that in more ways than one

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: ;)

**_ActuallyGod has renamed CinnamonRoll to Pink_ **

Pink: I love it

**_ActuallyGod has renamed HowDoesHeDeweyIt to Bitch_ **

Bitch: excuse u

GreenerPastures: quick change it before uncle donalds sweardar kicks in

DuckDad: LENA MCDUCK

Bitch: lol I keep forgetting u got ur name changed

AcutallyGod: it happened like yesterday

PurpleIntellectual: How on earth could you forget that so fast?

Bitch: leave me alone

Bitch: u meanies

DuckDad: CHANGE THAT NAME RIGHT NOW

Moon_Mom: whaddup

Moon_Mom: Lena no

ActuallyGod: Lena yes

DuckDad: LENA NO

AcutallyGod: Lena maybe?

Pink: Lena no

ActuallyGod: Lena no

**_ActuallyGod has renamed Bitch to Bluey_ **

Bluey: This is Biphobia

ActuallyGod: stfu

DuckDad: LENA

ActuallyGod: I have angered the father

  
SmolNerd: You better run.

GreenerPastures: enough with the grammar

**_AcutallyGod has renamed DuckDad to TheDuckFather_ **

TheDuckFather: you are not helping yourself

OldMan: What in dismal downs is going on here?

GreenerPastures: *cue the cutscene of Uncle Scrooge at the garage*

Bluey: *which one*

ActuallyGod: *theres like seven*

GreenerPastures: *all of them*

Pink: what are you even doing

Pink: I feel like I’m missing something

SmolNerd: they’re just being special.

Bluey: HOLD THE PHONE

GreenerPastures: HE DIDNT PUT A CAPITLA LETTER AT THE START OF THE SENTENCE

SmolNerd: Oh no-

SmolNerd: *Didn’t

PurpleIntellecutal: *Capital

AcutallyGod: where’s Mrs b

AcutallyGod: almost all the Shakespeares are here

GreenerPastures: I’m gonna start paying people to go on this chat more

Pink: yeah we spill some great tea :)

ActuallyGod: *gay tea

Bluey: lol

GreenerPastures: is everyone here gay

Pink: I think so

Pink: lgbt at least

Bluey: ye cause I’m Bi

Bluey: Hueys ace

SmolNerd: #acepride

Bluey: Louie’s Pan

GreenerPastures: if one of u makes a frying pan joke I will freak

AcutallyGod: idea

**_ActuallyGod has renamed GreenerPastures to FryingPan_ **

FryingPan: wow

Pink: I like Grenerpastares better

Pink: wow that was some great spelling

ActuallyGod: can we get an F in the chat for webbys spelling

AcutallyGod: F

Pink: F

SmolNerd: F

FryingPan: F

Bluey: F

PurpleIntellectual: F??

TheDuckFather: F

Moon_Mom: F

Bluey: anyWAY

Bluey: back to the gay

PurpleIntellectual: Why are you telling us this? We’re already aware of each other’s sexualities  
  
Moon_Mom: plot convenience

Pink: What does that mean??????

Moon_Mom: no ur supposed to say what

Pink: I want answers!!!

Bluey: GUYS ITS GAY TIME

**_AcutallyGod has renamed FryingPan to GreenerPastures_ **

GreenerPastures: Thank you lord lena

Bluey: ahem

Bluey: where was I

Bluey: Lena and Webby are lesbeans

Pink: I like beans!

AcutallyGod: and gorls

Bluey: Uncle Donald is our token disaster Bi

TheDuckFather: I raised you better than this

Moon_Mom: did u tho?

Bluey: so is mom

Moon_Mom: we’re the bi twins

Moon_Mom: the Bi guys

Moon_Mom: I am a genius

Bluey: Uncle Scrooge’s been alive way to long to be straight

Bluey: he’s gotta be like Bi or pan or smthn

OldMan: correct

ActuallyGod: I feel more pride for ur typing than anything else

GreenerPastures: you’ve come so far

SmolNerd: We’re so proud of you.

Pink: :)

Bluey: Launchpad either Bi or pan

Bluey: idk he just goes out with everyone

urnewbff: I’m everyone’s friend :D

ActuallyGod: *boyfriend

Bluey: Vi is gay I think?

PurpleIntellectual: I’m still figuring it out.

Pink: take ur time sis

AcutallyGod: one of us one of us one of us one of us

AcutallyGod: jkjkjkjk

AcutallyGod: u do u

AcutallyGod: u funky lil nerd

Bluey: awww

Bluey: anyway

Bluey: That leaves Mrs b

Bluey: I actually don’t know

AcutallyGod: Webby spill the tea

Pink: idk

Pink: I never asked

Pink: :,(

AcutallyGod: if she’s straight she’s getting kicked

Tina: I’m straight.

Pink: suddenly, out of nowhere, granny!

Bluey: how does she Dewey it?

ActuallyGod: gasp

**_ActuallyGod has removed Tina from “Family Group chat :)”_ **

Pink: Noooo!!

urnewbff: Not Mrs B!!! :,(

OldMan: Bentina what on earth

GreenerPastures: ikr

GreenerPastures: how can a member of our family be straight

OldMan: she’s not straight!

OldMan: she just wanted out of the chat

AcutallyGod: omg

AcutallyGod: hang on

**_ActuallyGod has added Tina to “Family Group chat :)”_ **

Tina: It was worth a try.

Bluey: wait so r u straight

Tina: Absolutely not.

ActuallyGod: I knew it

**_ActuallyGod has renamed “Family Group chat :)” to “The GaysTM”_ **

Pink: beautiful

**_ActuallyGod has renamed Tina to Lesbean_ **

Lesbean: No.

AcutallyGod: yes

Pink: I approve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Review or I confiscate ur gay
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Jk
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> But please review anyway :)


	5. Classified

_**ActuallyGod has renamed ActuallyGod to ExtremeLesbean** _

_**ActuallyGod has renamed Lesbean to Tina** _

Bluey: Noooo

Tina: I can’t believe I’m glad to have this for a name.

Bluey: why u change Granny Gay’s name??

GreenerPastures: GRANNY GAY

**_ExtremeLesbean has renamed Tina to Granny_Gay_ **

Granny_Gay: No.

Granny_Gay: Hold on-

Bluey: oh no

Granny_Gay: It’s four o’clock in the morning!

ExtremeLesbean: congrats Nanny McPhee

ExtremeLesbean: u can tell the time

Granny_Gay: Bed! Now!

Pink: Granny why are you up at 4

Granny_Gay: That’s not important, all of you get to bed, Now!

ExtremeLesbean: guys I got this it’s fine

**_ExtremeLesbean has renamed Granny_Gay to Tina_ **

ExtremeLesbean: I have defused the situation

Tina: No you have not.

Bluey: ur changing her name to Tina cause your scared aren’t you

Pink: yeah she is

ExtremeLesbean: umm no

Pink: you legit just said “I’m scared so imma keep her as Tina”

Bluey: busted

ExtremeLesbean: betrayed

Tina: Bed!

Pink: where are u?

Tina: Classified

ExtremeLesbean: ffs

TheDuckFather: LANGUAGE

GreenerPastures: you have summoned him

ExtremeLesbean: Having a spy in the fam has been kind of a letdown tbh

Bluey: yeah like instead of it being all explosions and bad guys, it’s all “yo what’s for dinner” “classified”

SmolNerd: accurate

Moon_Mom: yessss

Moon_Mom: Mrs b ur supposed to be cool

Urnewbff: she is cool!!! >:(

Pink: yes!

TheDuckFather: how do u do it

Moon_Mom: What

TheDuckFather: you’ve managed to anger the kindest people here

Bluey: ur gonna die

GreenerPastures: can we get an f in the chat for mom

GreenerPastures: f

Bluey: f

TheDuckFather: f

SmolNerd: f

Pink: f

OldMan: What is this f?

GreenerPastures: omg Uncle Scrooge XD

Bluey: W h a t i s t h i s f ?

ExtremeLesbean: f in the chat for Uncle Scrooge

OldMan: What????

Pink: f

Bluey: f

PurpleIntellectual: Why do none of the adults on this chat care that it’s four o’clock in the morning?

ExtremeLesbean: Mrs b cared

Bluey: yeah but she’s yeeted out of the chat for now

GreenerPastures: do u think she’s dead

Moon_Mom: I’m pretty sure Mrs B can’t be killed

Moon_Mom: she legit snogged death

ExtremeLesbean: EXCUSE ME

Pink: wait is death a boy or a girl

GreenerPastures: idk they had a big ol hood up and like never talked

SmolNerd: Uncle Scrooge?

ExtremeLesbean: can we talk about how Mrs b had sex with death

TheDuckFather: language

ExtremeLesbean: sex is not a swear calm down

PurpleIntellectual: I’m sorry, but I wish to return to the subject of your grandmother having sex with a ghost?

PurpleIntellectual: How does that even work?

OldMan: Technically the three ghosts don’t have genders, Past and Present have started identifying as male but that’s relatively recent.

ExtremeLesbean: we s t a n non binary ghosts

SmolNerd: How recent?

OldMan: last centaurs or so

SmolNerd: right

ExtremeLesbean: f in the chat for Uncle Scrooge’s spelling

PurpleIntellectual: Not again.

Pink: this is getting old Lena

Pink: f

GreenerPastures: f

Bluey: f

Moon_Mom: f

Urnewbff: wait what was wrong with the spelling :0

  
**_ExtremeLesbean has renamed urnewbff to F_ **

F: Bleh? :0

**_ExtremeLesbean has renamed F to Bleh_ **

Bleh: ? (._.)

GreenerPastures: omg launchpads emoticons are on point

Bleh: (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

Bluey: what a lad

Tina: All of you, bed, now!

TheDuckFather: where even are you

Tina: classified

GreenerPastures: Mrs b I swtg

ExtremeLesbean: I’m throwing myself off the money bin

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment to let me know what you think!
> 
> Haven’t used much of the name suggestions yet, but feel free to leave more!


	6. A Protest (Not really)

Bluey: hey fam

Bluey: fam I’m bored

Bluey: fam

Bluey: don’t ignore me

Bluey: this is Biphobia

Bluey: guys

Bluey: *gays

Bluey: we need to protest against Lena’s admin rights

GreenerPastures: I’m listening

ExtremeLesbean: Absolutely not

**ExtremeLesbean has renamed Bluey to No**

No: come on

No: it ain’t fair

SmolNerd: This way of life just ain’t it chief

**ExtremeLesbean has renamed ExtremeLesbean to Chief**

Chief: Yes it is

Pink: Lena no

Chief: does this look like a fuckig democracy to you

TheDuckFather: LENA

Chief: oh come on

Chief: this is getting ridiculous

No: I’m like 90% percent sure that he stalks the chat whenever he gets a notification

GreenerPastures: nah fam it’s magic

Pink: Lena can you at least change Dewey’s name

Pink: no is not a good name

Chief: hmph

**Chief has renamed No to TheBlueOne**

TheBlueOne: this is an injustice

Chief: webs r u happy

Pink: eh

Chief: after all I’ve done for u

SmolNerd: All you’ve done is confiscate our human rights.

Chief: hush

GreenerPastures: yo can we get the rest of the fam online

TheBlueOne: yas

TheBlueOne: quick someone swear so we can get Uncle Donald

TheDuckFather: no

TheBlueOne: I got him  
GreenerPastures: Stayy

TheDuckFather: I never left

TheDuckFather: I’ve been watching

Pink: omg u were right

Pink: he does stalk the chat

GreenerPastures: quick how do we summon the others

SmolNerd: Someone at school beat me up

Moon_Mom: WHAT

TheDuckFather: HUEY ARE YOU OK

Moon_Mom: MY BABY

SmolNerd: There you go

GreenerPastures: lol

GreenerPastures: Wait you didnt use a full stop

SmolNerd: it’s tiring

SmolNerd: I’ve given up

Moon_Mom: wait but is Huey ok

TheDuckFather: yeah they just wanted to get you online

Moon_Mom: how dare you

Moon_Mom: you would use my motherly nature against me?

TheDuckFather: yes they would

Pink: that’s four to left

TheBlueOne: yo where’s my bff

Bleh: I’M HERE :D

TheBlueOne: I got another one

Chief: wait but i thought u and Mrs B were best friends

Bleh: they’re both my best friends!! :D

Pink: awwww

GreenerPastures: WE’VE BEEN ROBBED

TheBlueOne: What

SmolNerd: Excuse me

OldMan: No we havenr

OldMan: I would know

Chief: h a v e n r

GreenerPastures: I got him

GreenerPastures: All yall we got on here have to stay

Moon_Mom: chill we’re still here

TheDuckFather: we’re observing

Moon_Mom: we be chilling in the houseboat

Moon_Mom: was that good

Moon_Mom: I was being hip and down with the kids

TheDuckFather: you’re a disgrace

Moon_Mom: How dare you

Bleh: I’m here to!!! :))))

GreenerPastures: Uncle $ I’ll give u five dollars if you stay

OldMan: I’m a billionaire

GreenerPastures: so u don’t want the money

OldMan: No I’m taking the money

GreenerPastures: then stay

OldMan: fine

OldMan: question

Chief: What

OldMan: why do you insit on calling me Uncle $

TheBlueOne: it’s quicker don’t judge us  
Pink: it’s just Granny we have to get now right?

Pink: OH AND VIOLET

Pink: GRANNYYYYY

Pink: GRANNNYYYY

Chief: Granny Gay where u at

Pink: I’m gonna go find her

Pink: you guys get Vi

GreenerPastures: hey can someone explain Quantum Physics

PurpleIntellectual: Did somebody say Quantum Physics?

PurpleIntellectual: Well then,

PurpleIntellectual: ahem

GreenerPastures: wait don’t actually explain Qauntom Physics I just wanted you on the chat

PurpleIntellectual: Why would you betray me like this?

Tina: *Quantum

Chief: congrats webs u got her

Pink: :)

OldMan: how’d they get you

  
Tina: How do you think?

OldMan: ah

OldMan: the face?

Tina: The face.

Chief: I feel u

TheDuckFather: What did you kids even want us here for

GreenerPastures: for the memes

Chief: we did it for the vine

TheBlueOne: for our lord and saviour Shaggy

SmolNerd: For maximum Homosexuality

Pink: so you can be the yee to our haw

Tina: I speak many languages but this is not one of them.

PurpleIntellectual: Why did you do it for a vine?

Chief: you gotta do it for the vine

Pink: Vi do u know what Vine is

PurpleIntellectual: Of course I do.

PurpleIntellectual: A plant whose stem requires support and which climbs by tendrils or twining or creeps along the ground.

Pink: Vi

Pink: Vi honey

Pink: no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will probably pick up where this one left off, please review if you enjoyed!


	7. Creeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aww man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes off immediately after last chapter

PurpleIntellectual: But I’m right.

Pink: No

TheDuckFather: wait is vine those videos that Louie and Dewey made me watch

Moon_Mom: Oh I think they showed me them too

Moon_Mom: the ones that were like

Moon_Mom: six seconds or smthn

Moon_Mom: and like rOaDwOrK aHeAD

TheBlueOne: wElL yEaH

GreenerPastures: I sUrE hOpE iT dOeS

OldMan: What

Tina: I’ve learned not to question it.

OldMan: when’d you learn that

Tina: Whilst driving Lena and Webby to Funzo’s, they pointed to a roadworks sign and said “Road Work ahead? Well yeah, I sure hope it does” at the exact same time.

Tina: I genuinely thought I was having a stroke.

OldMan: ah

Chief: THIS IS A NICE CORNFIELD

TheBlueOne: Love

TheBlueOne: Is

SmolNerd: A Baked

GreenerPastures: Sweet Potato

PurpleIntellectual: Pardon?

Chief: yo

Chief: quick question

SmolNerd: Ask

Chief: What If I wanna have sex before I get married?

SmolNerd: Well then

TheDuckFather: LANGUAGE

SmolNerd: I guess you just have to be prepared to die

PurpleIntellectual: I’m slightly afraid.

Pink: GUYS

Pink: THIS IS A GROUPCHAT

OldMan: You raised a smart lass, Beakley

Tina: Thanks.

Bleh: wait it is? :O

Tina: I’m not taking responsibility for this one too.

Bleh: aww :(

TheBlueOne: apologise right now

Tina: I never said I wasn’t his friend.

Bleh: YAY!! :D

Bleh: we’re BFFs ٩( ᐛ )و

Tina: What?

TheBlueOne: but I’m your BFF

Bleh: we all are!

GreenerPastures: I thought you’d been over this already

TheBlueOne: Mrs B I’ll fight u for LP

Tina: I could gut you with a toothpick.

TheBlueOne: noted

Pink: GUYS THIS IS A GROUPCHAT

Chief: we know

Pink: YOU KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO

Bleh: wait hold on

Pink: What

Bleh: can I add drake to the chat

Bleh: plz

SmolNerd: who’s drake

Bleh: my boyfriend :D

Pink: Huey how’d you forget

Pink: they’re literally always together

SmolNerd: oh yeah

PurpleIntellectual: I don’t believe I’ve ever met him.

Bleh: Guysss pleasssseeeee

Chief: sure why not

Bleh: YAY

OldMan: why exactly does Lena decide?

Pink: she answerd first

Pink: also she’s the only one who can add people

Bleh: Lena can you add him plz :)

Chief: his last names Mallard right

Bleh: yeah :)

TheDuckFather: oh that Drake Mallard

TheDuckFather: I used to babysit him when I was like 20

Moon_Mom: oh yeah

Moon_Mom: we used to run around in capes

Moon_Mom: it was gr8

GreenerPastures: wack

Chief has added Drake_Mallard to “The Gays”

Chief has renamed Drake_Mallard to DorkWing

DorkWing: What

Bleh: Hi!!!!

Bleh: It’s meeeee!!!!

DorkWing: Who?

DorkWing: and how do you know I’m Darkwing?

Bleh: It’s LP!!! :D

DorkWing: oh HI!!!

Chief: yo waddup

DorkWing: What is this

Chief: Welcome to hell

TheBlueOne: *gay hell

Chief: yup

DorkWing: ooooh is this that family group-chat you told me about

TheBlueOne: yup

DorkWing: why am I here

Chief: you bang the fam you hang with the fam

TheDuckFather: LENA

GreenerPastures: you make it sound like he’s banging all of us

TheDuckFather: LOUIE

Chief: You bang Lp you hang with the fam?

Chief: nah it doesn’t work

Pink: basically ur family now

Pink: and if something happens to change that we’ll slaughter you :)

DorkWing: keeping that in mind

DorkWing: wait so who’s who

DorkWing: ik that Lena is Chief, the blue ones Dewey, Duck fathers probs Donald and Ponk is probably Webby??

Pink: P O N K

**_Cheif has renamed Pink to Ponk_ **

Ponk: we stan

DorkWing: rude

SmolNerd: You were right with all of them

SmolNerd: Huey

DorkWing: cool

DorkWing: wait GreenerPastures is Louie right?

GreenerPastures: no this is god

DorkWing: k

DorkWing: Purple intellectual is Biolet right?

Ponk: B I O L T

**_Chief has renamed PurpleIntellectual to Biolet_ **

Biolet: Wow.

Biolet: You were correct.

Biolet: But wow

DorkWing: yall r just rude

DorkWing: OldMan is Scrooge?

OldMan: sadly

DorkWing: and Moon mother’s Della??

Moon_Mom: yasssss

GreenerPastures: how’s he so good at guessing?

Moon_Mom: the author is bad at coming up with names, and so the names are either to do with personality, major events that happened within the show or appearance, and very few are inside jokes.

GreenerPastures: wtaf

Moon_Mom: What

TheDuckFather: Language

DorkWing: who’s Tina???

Tina: Beakley.

DorkWing: wait your names Tina??

Tina: No.

DorkWing: Then why are you named Tina???

OldMan: it’s a nickname

DorkWing: so I can call you Tina

Tina: Absolutely not.

DorkWing: But it’s a nickname????

Tina: It’s really not.

DorkWing: you know what I just won’t question it.

Bleh: can I call you Tina? :-)

Tina: No.

Bleh: 。・゜・(ノД`)・゜・。

Tina: It’s still a no.

Bleh: Please??

Tina: Please stop, I can hear you yelling “PLEASE” from the other side of the house.

TheBlueOne: me too

Tina: If I say yess will you be quiet?

Bleh: YES

Tina: Fine.

Bleh: YAY!!! :D

Ponk: WAIT GUYS

Ponk: I FORGOT THIS IS A GROUPCHAT

Ponk: YALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

Chief: now I’m curious about what this being a groupchat means for Webby

Ponk: CREEPER

Chief: AWW MAN

TheBlueOne: AWW MAN

GreenerPastures: AW MAN

GreenerPastures: DAMMIT

Chief: OK OK DO OVER

Chief: CREEPER

Ponk: Creeper

Chief: WEBBY

Ponk: I thought I was starting!!!

SmolNerd: Creeper

DorkWing: aww man

Tina: What is happening?

Ponk: so we back in the mine

TheBlueOne: got our pickaxe

TheBlueOne: swinging from

GreenerPastures: swinging from side side to side

GreenerPastures: omfg

TheDuckFather: language

Chief: we’re no strangers to love

Ponk: CrEePeR

TheBlueOne: you know the rules

GreenerPastures: and so do I

DorkWing: aww man

SmolNerd: so we back in the mine

Ponk: got out pickaxe swinging from

DorkWing: side to side

Ponk: side side to side

SmolNerd: side side to side

SmolNerd: oh for the love of god

Chief: do not speak the lords name in vain

OldMan: What are you doing

DorkWing: Daring Duck of mystery

Bleh: CHAMPION OF RIGHT

DorkWing: SWOOPS OUT OF THE SHADOWS

Bleh: DARKWING OWNS THE NIGHT

Tina: Oh for the love of god, now you’ve got that stuck in my head.

Bleh: JOIN US

DorkWing: SING THE SONG OF OUR PEOPLE

Tina: This looks suspiciously like a cult, so no.

DorkWing: well ya can’t have em all

Bleh: SOMEWHERE SOME VILLAN SCHEMES

Ponk: Creeper

Chief: aww man

DorkWing: BUT HIS NUMBERS UP

SmolNerd: so we back in the mine

TheBlueOne: got our pickaxe swing from side to side

GreenerPastures: side side to side

Bleh: DARKWING DUCK

DorkWing: WHEN THERES TROUBLE YOU CALL DW

SmolNerd: this task a gruelling one

Chief: hope to find some diamonds tonight

Ponk: hope to find some diamonds tonight night night

Chief: WE WERE SO CLOSE

TheBlueOne: Despacito

GreenerPastures: NO

GreenerPastures: NO GOD PLEASE NO

Bleh: DARKWING DUCK

Bleh: LETS GET DANGEROUS

DorkWing: CLOUD OF SMOKE AND HE APPEARS

Bleh: CLOUD OF SMOKE

Bleh: OH NO

TheDuckFather: you two got far

DorkWing: NO ITS FINE KEEP GOING

DorkWing: THE MASTER OF SURPRISE

Chief: Country roaddssss

TheBlueOne: Take me hommmeeee

SmolNerd: I got the horses in the back

Bleh: WHOS THAT CUNNING MIND BEHING THAT SHADOWY DISGUISE

Ponk: Creeper

Moon_Mom: Hey now

TheDuckFather: you’re an all star

GreenerPastures: absolutely not

Chief: I DON’T GET NO SLEEP CAUSE A YALL

Ponk: YALL NOT GON GET NO SLEEP CAUSE A ME

Tina: Am I actually having a stroke this time?

OldMan: we both are

Tina: Makes sense.

GreenerPastures: so we back in the mine

Bleh: BUT BAD GUYS ARE OUT OF LUCK

Dorkwing: CAUSE HERE COMES

Bleh: DARKWING DUCK

Chief: never gonna give you up

TheBlueOne: Never gonna let you down

Biolet: According to all known laws of physics there’s no way a bee should be able to fly

Ponk: OMG VI

Ponk: YOU DID IT

Ponk: YOU MEMED

Biolet: I know one (1) meme.

Ponk: this is beautiful 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we back in the mine


	8. There’s More of Them :O

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s morreeee

Ponk: There is no god

Biolet: That’s a very controversial subject

TheBlueOne: Webby wth

TheDuckFather: language

TheBlueOne: I meant it as in heck

Ponk: I had a twin and I ate her in the womb

SmolNerd: Believable.

GreenerPastures: w h o m s t

Ponk: guys I am so sorry Lena took my phone

Chief: untrue

Ponk: true

TheBlueOne: true that it’s untrue or try that it’s tru?

Ponk: true that it’s untrue

TheBlueOne: true that it’s untrue that it’s true or true that it’s untrue that it’s untrue that it’s true

Ponk: true that it’s unjabdndbeiche god is a lesbian

GreenerPastures: not that I disagree but what

Ponk: I speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth

Biolet: Lena stole her phone again

Chief: betrayal

Ponk: sigh

SmolNerd: In light of the new additions to our chat, I believe another addition should be made.

GreenerPastures: Shakespeare is that you?

Chief: you can tell he wants something when the Shakespeareness kicks in

Ponk: but he always talks like that

Moon_Mom: didn’t he give up on that a few chapters ago because the author got bored of writing with perfect grammar?

GreenerPastures: Mom this has to stop

Moon_Mom: What

SmolNerd: Guys!

SmolNerd: I think we should add Fenton.

SmolNerd: Gyro blew up his phone in accident a few weeks ago, but he’s convinced it’s the phones fault and now he won’t get another, so we can’t add him too.

Ponk: yes I love Fenton!!!

Ponk: lets add Gandra too!!!

OldMan: no

Tina: No.

Ponk: why???

Tina: Classified.

Chief: oh dang

Biolet: Please excuse her “oh dang”, she binge watched “Brooklyn 99” last week and believes that she has a spiritual connection with Gina.

TheBlueOne: back off she’s mine

**_Chief has renamed TheBlueOne to DieHard_ **

Chief: you always struck me as more of a jake

DieHard: GINA IS EVERYTHING TO ME

Chief: oh dang

Chief: also yee I’ll add Fenton

Moon_Mom: add Penny while your at it

Moon_Mom: I made her get a phone

Moon_Mom: and I downloaded all the important apps

Chief: cool

Chief: think I’ll add Fenton’s Mom too, I want her to like me

Ponk: I’m pretty sure she won’t bail you if you get arrested

Chief: is that the right spelling?

Moon_Mom: the author doesn’t know and can’t be bothered to google it

Biolet: Wow, two of those in such close proximity?

Moon_Mom: the author is tired

DieHard: gasp

DieHard: a third :O

Moon_Mom: k I’ll stop now

GreenerPastures: What

Moon_Mom: ugh you said it at the wrong time

TheDuckFather: What

Moon_Mom: you’re just doing that on purpose

Tina: What?

Moon_Mom: Oh come on

**_Chief has added Fenton_CC to “the gays”_ **

**_Chief has added Penny :)) to “the gays”_ **

Chief: Fenton does your mom have an account?

Chief: also why is Pen’s name that

SmolNerd: You used an apostrophe!!

SmolNerd: I’m so proud!!!!!

Chief: ugh

Fenton_CC: No, she doesn’t.

  
Fenton_CC: I can get her to make one if you want?

Chief: yesssss

Fenton_CC: k, I’ll go get her.

GreenerPastures: love how he’s not even a little confused about being added to a random groupchat

DorkWing: yeah, I was hella confused

**_Chief has renamed Fenton to TollNerd_ **

TollNerd: if I’m honest, I just lretened to know what was happening so I wasn’t rude

TollNerd: *pretended

TollNerd: I’m helping M’ma set up an account rn

Penny :)): I do not wish to be a part of this earth ritual

Ponk: yeah that’s what Granny said

**_Chief has renamed Penny :)) to Penny_ **

Chief: the smiley faces were annoying me

GreenerPastures: valid

GreenerPastures: also Fenton’s not even acknowledging that his name got changed???

TollNerd: I didn’t even notice

TollNerd: am I a nerd?

TollNerd: :(

SmolNerd: Yes, you are a beautiful nerd.

Ponk: you’re majestic

TollNerd: :D

TollNerd: Kk, M’mas almost done with her account

Penny: this terrrible device was not made for non human life forms

Penny: it is impossible to held

SmolNerd: *terrible

Biolet: *hold

Penny: first of all tat should be the correct whay to spell terrrible

Penny: 3 is the alpha number

Penny: also the dictionary said that I spelt the other one right

Biolet: You just used the wrong tense with that last one.

Moon_Mom: she’s using her dictionary to figure out how to spell

Violet: Then how did she make so many typos within the last few texts?

Moon_Mom: guys she has 6 fingers

Moon_Mom: give her a break

TollNerd: OK!!!

TollNerd: I have made Mama’s account!!!

Chief: Kk

Chief: the usernames just her name right?

TollNerd: actually it’s “WorldsBestCop”

Chief: shoutout to ur mom for being like the only adult with a unique username

Moon_Mom: ok so Ik ive broken the fourth wall like a hundred times already but

GreenerPastures: I don’t wanna hear it

Moon_Mom: w a c k

OldMan: this is getting out of hand Della

Moon_Mom: who’s Della

Moon_Mom: dammit

Moon_Mom: I was going for the play dumb thing but I think I may have overdone it

Tina: Maybe a little.

Moon_Mom: you think?

Tina: I do.

Moon_Mom: ugh

TheDuckFather: am I too late to say language?

Moon_Mom: Yes

Moon_Mom: also dammit is not a swear

TheDuckFather: LANGAUGE

Moon_Mom: burn in Hell

TheDuckFather: LANGAUGE

Tina: You spelt language wrong.

Tina: Twice.

Tina: Is your autocorrect broken?

TheDuckFather: actually yes

Tina: How?

OldMan: do not question the power of being incredibly stupid

TheDuckFather: HEY

TheDuckFather: IM COMING FOR YOU

TheDuckFather: OLD MAN

Penny: I dont know what’s happpening but the blue thing says I should say oooh tea

OldMan: Lena changed my name to “Old man” and you still think it’s a good insult???

**_Chief has added WorldsBestCop to “The Gays”_ **

WorldsBestCop: Hello!

TollNerd: Hello!!!!!

TheDuckFather: PREPARE TO DIE DADDY WARDUCKS

OldMan: He was a good man

DieHard: don’t diss Annie

DieHard: she was a badass

WorldsBestCop: This is utter chaos, Pollito

TollNerd: You asked for this

WorldsBestCop: true

Tina: It doesn’t get better.

TollNerd: oh

Penny: this is stupiddd

Moon_Mom: no u 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> So the reason I’m not adding Gyro is that I plan to add Goslyn when she’s introducing to the show, and I don’t want he chat getting to crowded, which is why I’ve left our characters like Duckworth, Gladstone, Fethry etc.  
> So unless Phoey becomes an actual character, Gos will be the final addition to the chat 
> 
> I think I should mention that “Gos” keeps autocorrecting to “God” and I think that’s a sign from above
> 
> Also fun fact: I typed out all of Penny’s texts using only three fingers, it was hell
> 
> Please let me know what you think!


	9. Ł   ē   g

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She must h ø p

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have many other works I should be updating, but I choose to update this mess because god has no control over me

Moon_Mom: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY LEG

TheDuckFather: LANGUAGE

Moon_Mom: FUCK OFF

TheDuckFather: THE KIDS, DELLA

Moon_Mom: DID THEY SNATCH MY FUCKING LEG

TheDuckFather: NO

TheDuckFather: well actually they might’ve idk

TheDuckFather: BUT THE POINT I’M MAKING IS YOU CAN’T SWEAR WHEN THEY’RE AROUND

Moon_Mom: KIDS DID YOU SISTER SNATCH MY LEG

GreenerPastures: Genuinely regretting teaching mom memes

GreenerPastures: also idk where your leg is

DieHard: I didn’t do it

SmolNerd: Even if we did know, we’re currently in France and wouldn’t be of any help.

Chief: pretty sure I saw Webby with it earlier

Ponk: tractor

Ponk: *traitor

Chief: f

Ponk: I just took it to examine it I swear

Moon_Mom: I CANT FUCKING WALK

Chief: höp

GreenerPastures: why are there dots on ur o

Chief: top quality meme content

Moon_Mom: nvm ya’ll I’m out here hopping

TheDuckFather: Della you take your leg off and hop around for fun

TheDuckFather: why did you even care

TheDuckFather: also language

Moon_Mom: I’ve had 4 energy drinks and seven coffees

Moon_Mom: not in that order

Tina: Well, that explains why we’re out of coffee.

Moon_Mom: I regret nothing

Tina: You will.

Chief: AND I OOP-

TollNerd: That was ominous-

Moon_Mom: I’m šçårëd

DieHard: why is everyone putting symbols on letters

Moon_Mom: fun

Moon_Mom: but seriously I fear my life

Moon_Mom: que intense hopping

Tina: Why bother?

Tina: Theres no point in running, dear.

Moon_Mom: FUCKKK

TheDuckFather: watch your language or I’ll join forces with Mrs B

Tina: Please don’t.

TheDuckFather: you’re ruining the threat

Tina: In my defence you’d ruin my whole thing.

WorldsBestCop: what thing?

Ponk: the ability to kill seven men with a single stare

WorldsBestCop: Oh wow

Penny: Might I join you in combat

Tina: I shall consider it.

Moon_Mom: first of all Penny I’m proud of you for improving your texting

Moon_Mom: second of all TRAITOR

Moon_Mom: YOU CANNOT JUST COME INTO MY HOUSE/PLANET

Moon_Mom: AND BE SUCH A THOT

Penny: what is a thot

Moon_Mom: …

Tina: Penumbra, your offer has been considered, and ultimately declined.

Penny: pitiful earthers

Moon_Mom: careful she’ll come for you

Tina: Della, dear, where are you?

Moon_Mom: God’s house

GreenerPastures: she probs means funzos

GreenerPastures: she cried tears of joy when she saw the ball pit

Tina: Thank you, Louie.

Tina: If I discover you have lied to me I will crush you with my bare hands.

GreenerPastures: god I love grandmotherly love

Moon_Mom: Louie how could you sell me out

DieHard: have you met him

Biolet: What is happening?

Chief: to summarise, Tea Time’s gonna kill Della because she drank like way too many coffees and energy drinks

Biolet: I see you are all up to your usual shenanigans.

Chief: of course

TollNerd: Is this what everyday life is like for you??

GreenerPastures: pretty much

DieHard: yup

SmolNerd: Yes.

Ponk: every single day

TollNerd: huh

Moon_Mom: I’m on the run y’all

SmolNerd: Why would you text that to a groupchat that Beakley’s in?

Moon_Mom: it seems like a good idea at the time

SmolNerd: The time being approximately five seconds ago?

Moon_Mom: Donald raised you better than this

GreenerPastures: he did not

DieHard: why would you think he did that

TheDuckFather: I tried

Moon_Mom: yo Beakley hasn’t texted in a while should I be worried

Moon_Mom: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD

Moon_Mom: THE ANSWER WAS YES

OldMan: i take it she found you

Moon_Mom: SHE’S ON A ROOF??!!?!

Ponk: Granny is so cool

Chief: i love it when my best friends Granny climbs into a roof to kill my best friends brothers mom for drinking all the coffee

Chief: specially when I drank like half the coffee anyway

Tina: Pardon?

Chief: can’t come for me

Chief: that would be abuse

Tina: I don’t care.

Tina: Lena, stay put while I deal with Della.

Chief: why tf would I do that

TheDuckFather: Language

Tina: Because there’s no point in running from me.

Chief: damn

Moon_Mom: I HAVE NEVER HOPPED SO FAST IN MY LIFE

Moon_Mom: I LEGIT CAN’T HOP ANY FASTER

Tina: I hope you can.

Moon_Mom: WEBBY

Moon_Mom: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE MY LEG

DieHard: quick webby yeet the leg at mom

Ponk: nah

Ponk: I ain’t standing in between granny and her target

Moon_Mom: I swear I will go back to the freaking moon

GreenerPastures: rude

DorkWing: Della where are you?

Moon_Mom: w h y

DorkWing: cause I swear I just heard something thinking on my roof

DorkWing: and you said Mrs B was on the roof of a building-

Moon_Mom: WAIT DO YOU LIVE IN A BUILDING WITH YELLOW DOORS

DorkWing: uuuuh

DorkWing: I think so???

DorkWing: idk I can’t remember

TollNerd: How can you not remember that?

DorkWing: don’t judge me

Bleh: Don’t judge my boyfriend

DorkWing: Thanks Lp

Moon_Mom: Beakley thump twice on the building

DorkWing: yo I just heard two thumps above me :O

Tina: Mr Mallard, if you even consider harbouring a fugitive it will be the last thing you do.

DorkWing: a fugitive?

Moon_Mom: this is so intense-

Moon_Mom: Drake please help

DorkWing: You’re on your own

Moon_Mom: DAMMIT DRAKE

Moon_Mom: I CAN’T HOP FOREVER

Tina: Damn right you can’t.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I’m not even sure if it was me who wrote this or if I am periodically possessed by a demon who writes fanfiction
> 
> This chapters pretty short but in fairness so’s my life expectancy

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so it’s really shitty and stuff but I’m to tired to care
> 
> JWG4PRESIDENT - Huey  
> HowDoesHeDeweyIt - Dewey  
> Team_Randy - Louie  
> Webbi-Dings - Webby  
> urnewbff - Launchpad  
> Scrooge_McDuck - Scrooge  
> DuckDad - Donald  
> Moon_Moon - Della  
> 022 - Beakley


End file.
